I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
