I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This house was built for laser tag.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
