So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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