well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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