apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
