The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am available for nakedness
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
