i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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