She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
