I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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