he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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