Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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