i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
