I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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