He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize