Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
