pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
