Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
