theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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