The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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