that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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