I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize