I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize