Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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