Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
