Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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