Welp...herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
