Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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