Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
