Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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