Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
