I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
