I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
party gras won. party gras always wins.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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