Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
