I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
