Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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