And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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