She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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