You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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