last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
