evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
