i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
