So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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