you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
