I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize