there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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