I heard we made out
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im just a social blackout drinker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
