You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
