Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
