Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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