In the future we'll all be gay
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize