do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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