They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
