I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Enjoy the penises
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
