Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(614): View more from Ohio

just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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(904): View more from Florida

the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add

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(858): View more from California

She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing

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(904): View more from Florida

Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.

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(813): View more from Florida

It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?

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