Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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