I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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