she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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