So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
