Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
