just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
