where does the pee come out of this thing
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
