remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
