That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
